RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
