I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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