Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
