did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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