just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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