I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
