She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
