It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
