The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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