I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
