i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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