My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
