I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
