i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
