2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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