I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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