Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
