your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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