i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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