i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sarcasm needs its own font
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
