sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
