If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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