4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I need a beard to bite.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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