At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
