yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
