You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
