Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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