Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
