this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
