Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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