I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
