My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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