I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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