yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
