you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
