yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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