I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
