a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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