You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
