how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
