My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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