You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
