I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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