Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
