Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
