oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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