she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
