Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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