did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
