And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
