so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
