did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
