i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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