I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
