I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
