Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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