I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
