you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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