I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
