The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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