yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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