the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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