I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
