last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
