You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize