You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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