I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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