I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
