i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
