her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
