Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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