haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
