it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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