I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
