Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
