Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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