thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
